


(Un)Needed

by SentientMango



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Canon Universe, Crying, Episode: Accepting Anxiety, Gen, Patton (mentioned) - Freeform, Pre-Episode: Accepting Anxiety, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:20:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28826580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SentientMango/pseuds/SentientMango
Summary: Janus is checking up on his friend Virgil, and Virgil tells him something that doesn’t make sense with what he knows about the ‘light’ sides
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 18
Kudos: 67
Collections: TSS Fanworks Collective





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was based on this post! https://marsofthestars.tumblr.com/post/640155219015122944/wayyy-back-in-accepting-anxiety-part-1-theres
> 
> (I don’t know how to add links like as links so this is the best we’re gonna get)

Janus glanced at the clock on the wall. He should be here by now, The clock by nature was hard to read, the hands spun sporadically, but as he was the one who made it, he also knew how it worked, and there was a proper way to read it. Janus knew for sure he would be here soon, he wasn’t exactly sure what Virgil was doing, probably something with Patton, that fatuous side always needed some sort of assistance. That was the way of the heart though, always crying out for more and more _attention._

Virgil’s room was so dreary, Janus thought as he looked around. There wasn’t much color, Virgil had some posters but the Nightmare before Christmas wasn’t exactly bursting with color. The curtains were a bit better, and some of his other decorations were a dark purple or was it blue? It didn’t matter, they were practically black anyway. 

Everything was caked in dust and spider webs, and Janus’s frown deepened as he ran a finger over the window sill, he should have brought a duster. Maybe if Virgil allowed he could come by later, because the day Virgil dusted his own room would be the day Thomas willingly listened to Janus. It just wasn’t going to happen.

Janus brushed the only chair in the room off, Virgil refused to sit on it for whatever reason, but Janus wasn’t going to sit on his desk so he brought a chair a few years back. It was the least dusty thing in the room, and that included the bed, it didn’t look well slept in at all.

He’d have to bring that up when Virgil arrived.

Janus sat down and only waited a couple of seconds before Virgil appeared near the door that led to nowhere. Well speak of the devil.

Virgil stretched and blinked his eyes open, he immediately jumped back when he made eye contact with Janus, “God fucking- could you not have said hi or something?”

Janus shrugged, “I could have.”

Virgil rolled his eyes and sat down on the floor, “So what do you want Jan?”

Janus rubbed a gloved hand against the disgustingly dusty desktop and wrinkled his nose as he rubbed it off on his pants, “Surprisingly enough… I don’t have any ulterior motives. I just wanted to visit a friend of mine, is that so bad?”

Virgil relaxed against the wall, “Nah, but by the way you're looking around my room, the next time you’re going to have some cleaning motives.”

Janus shook his head, “how do you live in this?”

“It’s just what I do,” Virgil said lightly.

Janus hummed disgruntledly, “So how’s it been? Up in the land of the living, so to speak.”

Virgil shrugged, “It’s fine, I’ve just been doing my thing,”

Janus raised an eyebrow, “And thing involves sleeping somewhere else I presume?” Janus looked around and mumbled under his breath, “Hopefully somewhere less dusty.”

Virgil frowned, “What are you talking about?”

He glanced at the bed and then looked back at Virgil, “Because you _have_ been remembering to sleep right?”

Virgil winced, “Right. That. Uh... no?”

“Well with all that extra energy from all that sleep you’re getting, you must be causing all sorts of carnage,” Janus said, half joking.

Virgil paused and wrapped his arms around his torso defensively, “The normal amount.”

_Liar._

“What are you doing?” Janus asked, eyes narrowing. “You know you can’t lie to me, why are you bothering to try?”

Virgil looked up, “I didn’t-” he sighed when he saw the disbelief in Janus’s face. “It’s just... I dunno it’s been nice, sometimes at least. I haven’t felt like I needed to… do that sort of stuff to be heard as much.” 

Janus drew back as thoughts began to race through his head, maybe it was because he’d spent too much time in Virgil’s room, but this wasn’t right. The others weren't supposed to _like_ them. They were tricking Virgil, that must be it. Janus had no clue why but that was the only explanation, he had to make Virgil see it too.

“Well Thomas surely hates you for all the pain you’ve caused him over the years, so they’re probably just being polite,” Janus said. “It makes sense for Morality and Logic anyway. It wouldn’t be productive if you were actively working against them.”

“Why would you say that?” Virgil said quietly, he sounded hurt.

“I mean do you remember high school?” Janus tried to clarify, “You were so hyperactive and that certainly didn’t help Thomas perform well on his tests. You’ve definitely ruined a fair few friendships. Oh and don’t get me started on all the auditions he’s botched because of you. Why _would_ Thomas like you? Why would the others like you? They don’t, they’re just messing with you.”

“They do like me.” Virgil said hesitantly, getting to his feet. “Just because you could never see me more than Anxiety-”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Virgil shook his head, “No, that _is_ what you meant. And you know what, I’m tired of it. You can’t see me as anything else than my purpose so you can’t imagine someone else being able to do it.”

“Of course I do.” Janus said gently, “I wouldn’t be here if I only saw you as Thomas’s anxiety, I see you as a friend. And I’m only looking out for you! We can’t trust them, they’re trying to trick you. They don’t like us, not anymore.”

Virgil began to pace around the room, “Well what do you know about them anyway?”

“I know plenty about them and I know lies like the back of my hand, and they never stop lying.”

“Oh, like you do?” Virgil spat back as frustration began to boil under the surface.

“My purpose is deceit!” Janus said as he threw his hands up in the air. “At least _I'm_ transparent about it and not trying to twist morality to get my way!”

Virgil stopped pacing and looked away from Janus as he said, “No. Patton’s not like that.”

“ _Think_ Virgil! Why are they all lying so much? It doesn’t make any sense! They’re Logic and Morality and Creativity, they don't need to lie as much as me!” Janus said.

“You as well as anyone should know that people have secrets. They’re not lying to me!”

“You don’t know that.”

“Well you don’t know me!” Virgil yelled frustratedly.

“We’ve been friends for the past twenty some years Anxiety! I _do_ know you!”

Virgil’s eyes hardened when Janus called him Anxiety. “No you don’t! I’ve changed, or maybe Thomas has, but just because Thomas hates _you_ doesn’t mean he has to hate me too!”

Janus was fuming, and that line hit him straight in the heart and sent him over the edge, “Well maybe if you weren’t so naive to think that anyone actually needed you then you’d see they were lying!” Janus said frustratedly. “Maybe you would have noticed how Remus never bothers to come round anymore! Or maybe you would value honesty instead of comfortable lies! Or perhaps you would have noticed how dusty your room is, because news flash, that’s all in Thomas’s control! He _._ Doesn’t. Care. About. You.”

He’d gone too far. Angry tears were filling up Virgil’s eyes, “Yeah well maybe Thomas would be better off without someone always pushing him to hurt the people he loves! No one likes being lied to, _Deceit!_ ”

Janus opened his mouth to say something, anything, maybe he was going to apologize, maybe he was going to snap back with a retort about how Virgil pushed people away all the time. He didn’t know. It didn’t matter, Virgil cut him off.

“Get out of my room.”

“Virgil-”

“I said **get** **_OUT!”_ **

As Virgil’s voice dropped, the shadows in the room began to inch closer. Janus pursed his lips as he glanced around. “I was only trying to protect you,” he said quietly before sinking out.

Janus appeared in his own room and immediately locked the door. It wouldn’t do anything against Thomas, he could go where he pleased, but it would keep the other sides out without Thomas as their guide, and since he didn’t even know Janus existed, Janus liked his odds of being left alone.

The air in his room was cold and unwelcoming as Janus yelled frustratedly at nothing and sat down heavily against the door. 

He _hadn’t_ meant it like that.

Why couldn’t Virgil just see that he was trying to help!

Why did Virgil have to make everything so… _so_ complicated! 

This was all his fault! If he’d just understood.

Understood that he just didn’t want Virgil to get hurt.

… but he’d hurt Virgil hadn’t he?

Janus’s breath caught as he scrubbed at the tears that had began to form in his human eye. 

Oh god, what had he done?

This wasn’t the first time he and Virgil had fought but it was definitely the worst. 

It felt so final. 

Janus buried his head in his arms as tears streamed down half of his face. Virgil had been right. Virgil had been right about everything. He just hurt people. He was bad for Thomas. 

He hurt Thomas and he hurt Virgil. 

Maybe it would be better if he left. No one would miss him, Thomas didn’t need him, one could live without lying. Anyway if worse came to worse, Roman could take over. Acting and lying were similar enough. 

Thomas didn’t need a liar.

Thomas didn’t need _him_.

Janus curled further in on himself as he locked his function off. It was better this way, Janus promised himself. Virgil would be happier this way, Thomas would probably be happier too. Thomas _did_ hate him. He was holding Thomas back. 

Thomas would be happy. 

Without Deception.

Without Denial.

Without him.

“I’m sorry Virgil.” Janus whispered into his room which was slowly getting darker as he locked himself further away. And Janus let himself close off completely from Thomas as he sobbed into his knees.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week later, a problem sparks up in the mind scape that draws Janus out of his room

An alarm was going off somewhere in Thomas’s mind. It wasn’t going on in Janus’s room like it would normally do, but he could hear it drifting faintly through the door. 

Something was wrong.

Thomas was in danger.

Janus jumped to his feet and reached for the doorknob, before pausing. Thomas didn’t need him. Maybe, maybe this was a test, to see if the past several days had been in vain. Thomas could do this without him, but _they_ needed to see Thomas could do it without him. Thomas needed to know he didn’t need him.

Janus stood staring at the door, his hand was clutched to his chest. Thomas… he was self care, an element of self preservation, but Virgil was self preservation as well, he could handle it. So it… this couldn’t _hurt_ Thomas could it? The alarm wasn’t because of _him_ was it? No no that didn’t make any sense. Not being able to lie was hardly cause for alarm, they’d been fine for the past week, it didn’t make sense that it only raised an alarm now.

He stared at the door as the minutes ticked by. The alarm didn’t stop. It never lasted this long.

What if… What if Virgil was in trouble?

Janus’s hand drifted towards the knob.

No, Virgil was fine. Anyway he wouldn’t want his help would he? If it was Virgil, he would be fine, the alarm was going off, if he was in trouble they’d go to him, the light sides may be dense but they weren’t _that_ dense. He was staying here.

The alarm got a bit louder and Janus dug his nails into his hand as his other hand made contact with the door knob. Janus jerked away when he realised, before frowning. But what if they _couldn’t_ do it alone? What if Virgil was in danger and they needed help but Janus wasn’t there?

The door knob turned slowly without Janus touching it as he slowly began to bring himself back to Thomas. He needed to check. Just to make sure everything was okay, and then he’d leave again. Thomas would be safe and fine and everyone would be safe and fine and _happy_. But he just had to make sure first.

As soon as he felt his function reconnected, the alarm began to blare in his room.

Janus jumped and let out a shaky breath before he stepped into the mindplace, hoping his presence wouldn’t have too much of an effect.

No one was around, which was strange for an alarm situation, usually everyone would be around the Thomas-sphere, the large orb which showed what was happening from Thomas’s point of view and allowed sides to further impact Thomas’s actions without having to yell at him in person.

Janus looked at it, his hand hovering around the orb, ready to help as soon as he got a grasp of the situation, if they even needed his help, they probably had it under control.

It was strange, Logan, Roman, and Patton were all there with Thomas. They looked a little flustered but was anyone in life threatening danger? Usually the alarm would turn off when the sides started talking to each other about the issue, that is of course unless it was a manual pull, but that wasn’t- why would it be manual?

Janus focused in on the voices of what Thomas was hearing.

Roman was grumbling, “Ugh, probably in his room?”

Janus frowned, whose room?

He focused on Virgil, usually he could sense him. He couldn’t. That was bad.

Logan was talking now, “-if you wanted to enhance your anxiety for some reason. Or if you wanted to cathartically indulge in typically troubling emotions. Think, The Mind Palace, but specifically for Anxiety.”

They _were_ talking about Virgil. Janus frowned, his hand hovering ever closer to making contact with the orb. Thomas didn’t need deception right now though did he? He needed Logic, and Logan was there. His logical fallacies weren’t needed.

Thomas pointed over at Patton, “Uh, I’d rather go to Patton’s. Can we go there?”

No! Janus’s brain screamed, and against his better judgement he plunged his hands into the orb. He funneled as much self care and self preservation as he could into _whoever_ as he attempted to keep the denial which inherently came with the package at bay. It didn’t matter who got it, just _someone_ needed it.

Logan cut in, “Nope. We need to go to Anxiety's room to check on Anxiety. This is the priority, do you remember what we just were talking about?”

Thomas nodded, and seemed unfazed, “Ah, okay.”

Janus relaxed his grip on Thomas’s mind slightly, as he vaguely registered Roman starting to talk. He needed to keep the self preservation in, but if Thomas started compulsively lying there would be a problem.

Patton finished saying _something_ looked at Thomas gently and Janus curled in on himself. It felt like Patton was staring into his soul even though he wasn’t looking at _him_ at all, he was looking at Thomas! Janus wasn’t even supposed to be there at all.

Thomas shrugged, “Yeah, it sounds fun or whatever.”

Logan’s eyes widened slightly in agitation, “Ohh- okay. I thought I would like you without your... never-ending assembly line of predicaments, but this is truly, truly bothersome.”

Roman put on his ‘serious’ face, as he got into actor mode, “Just focus on the things that would normally make you anxious. That is the corner of your mind where we need to go-”

As Roman was talking, Janus pumped just about as much self preservation he could into the front of Thomas’s mind.

It must have worked because Thomas interrupted Roman, “Got it.”

Roman grumbled something Janus didn’t really care about and they all began to sink out. They were headed to Virgil’s room. 

Janus took his hand out of the orb and watched as Thomas appeared in Virgil’s room. Virgil looked annoyed? Angry? Frightened? Anxious? ...Sad? 

Janus bit his lip and flicked off the alarm. They’d be okay now. Virgil would take care of them.

As Janus headed back to his room, he knew things had changed.

Despite it all he was needed.

And for now, he could work with that.

~~~

Virgil sank out to his room, Virgil. He’d told them. Roman had _laughed_. He shuddered, despite Roman seeming almost regretful, that sound still echoed in his ears, high and unwelcome, he wished it would go away.

The others had been… well Patton had said that thing about being upset if it wasn’t what he expected, and it _hadn’t_ been what he expected, so he must be upset too. And Logan seemed fine with the name, but after ducking out? Making Thomas void of self preser... wait...

His expression dimmed like the sky anticipating a brewing storm, as he went over what happened, completely void of self preservation, that shouldn’t have been possible. _Janus_ made sure that wasn’t possible. They both held keys to self preservation, two needed to be absent for Thomas to lack it completely. 

Virgil paced nervously around the floor of his room, he’d argued with Janus, what if that somehow broke Janus’s bond to self preservation? Did he say something that could have blocked him out? Did it even work like that? Or maybe his ducking out a stronger force than Janus’s self preservation? In which case he was lucky Thomas wasn’t dead, he could have wandered into the road or cut himself by accident or decided to go _skydiving_? If he had that much sway over Thomas… he couldn’t afford to fuck up again.

Unless it wasn’t that he was more powerful. Maybe something bad happened to Janus? He’d seen him last week and he was… fine... relatively speaking. But so many awful things can happen in just a few hours so who knows what could happen in literal days. He could have been stabbed and was bleeding out or he could be trapped in his room shut off from Thomas because of Virgil ducking out, no one had ever done it before! Virgil didn’t know the semantics, he should have thought that through more carefully. Maybe Janus was dying and it was his fault.

Virgil glanced at his door, there was a very easy way to alleviate these concerns. Janus was so close, he was so close and if he needed help Virgil could so easily go to him.

But if he didn’t need help… their argument was still fresh in Virgil’s mind despite the days in between. The memory stung, he’d said some things he wished he hadn’t and he kind of hoped Janus felt the same way, but he didn’t want to check up on Janus. But he _needed_ to know Janus was okay. He was stuck. 

He couldn’t go to the others, he’d just gotten accepted by them, he couldn’t push it, and anyway they didn’t know Janus well enough to want to help. But he needed someone, maybe he could leave a note? But there would be no way to tell if Janus had read it, and if he was in serious trouble, he might not even be able to.

Remus. He could go to Remus. Well Virgil didn’t exactly want to go to him, if he had another choice he'd take it, but he and Remus weren’t exactly on unfriendly terms. Well… Remus didn’t seem to think they were on bad terms, which was what mattered. As long as Remus was willing to help him. 

Virgil slinked past Janus’s door on the way to Remus’s, Janus _couldn’t_ know it was him asking about him.

Virgil knocked on Remus’s door and it swung open and slammed against the wall, Remus stood there, a grin plastered on his face, “Emo! What brings you here?”

“I need your help.”

~~~

Janus wasn’t sure what changed, he wasn’t sure how much time had passed. 

But whatever changed, he suddenly felt warmer, something solid and warm was around him.

“Double Dee?”

Janus melted against the steady arms around him, “Go away…” he mumbled. “How’d you even get in anyway?”

“It wasn’t locked. Which is weird considering you always lock it. What’s up with you? Thomas has been weird, but like it got boring four days in.”

Janus glanced up at Remus, “I left for a bit. It was the best for Thomas, but I came back. Why are you here?”

“So you ducked out. Like Virgil right?”

“Virgil?”

“He ducked out!”

“He did _what?”_ Janus sat up quickly and immediately was shaking with panic.

“Yep! Only lasted an hour though! Would have been fun to mess around with Thomas without his self preservation. Do you think he would have jumped out of a car if I’d asked?”

“That’s what he did?” Janus mumbled. “I thought he was just… I thought he was being stubborn and just wasn’t going. I didn’t know...”

Remus’s grip tightened around him and Janus felt himself relax subconsciously into Remus’s arms. It was warm, warm, warm…

Remus’s tone was a lot more serious, “Hey hey it’s okay. You’re okay. Thomas is okay. Nothing bad happened.”

“Yes I know and that’s only because I stepped in!” Janus said borderline hysterical, “What if I hadn’t? I almost didn’t. I thought… I didn’t know.”

“Exactly! You didn’t know!”

“No that's not an excuse! I heard the alarm, and I almost didn’t go to help because… because they could handle it. I _thought_ they could handle it. They couldn’t. They wouldn’t have been able to get him to Virgil. Thomas was just _so_ apathetic.”

Remus shushed Janus as he kept mumbling out half written apology after half written apology. “You’re okay now. Just breathe, everything is going to be alright.”

“I’m so sorry,” Janus said, “I thought… Remus, I hurt Virgil and I _still_ haven’t apologized. I was trying to help him, to protect him but I only managed to hurt him. I can’t...”

“Shut up.” Remus growled, “You _can._ And even if you're not perfect or whatever, Thomas needs you! You can’t just go disappearing.”

“Yeah I know… I know _now_.”

“And you won’t do it again?”

Janus smiled, “No, no I don’t think I could. Not after this. Rather I promise I won’t. I know I’m needed as much as Thomas might dislike that it’s true, and… that’s not going to change.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! If you did please let me know! 
> 
> Tumblr: @thesentientmango

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr: @thesentientmango


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